I'll be heading up the small hill we call the highest mountain in Australia tomorrow for a trek that'll include the passing of the New Year. Not sure what i'm looking for up there, but i reckon the epic silence and unassuming surrounds will give me an inkling as to how orientate myself towards the busy year ahead... looking forward to not having facebook, email, mobile and technology around me...
Will write something (maybe) when i return.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
gravity of dreams...
it's been a crazy decade of running into my own dust, forever kicking up more for fear that should it be allowed to settle i'd panic at the poverty of form and meaning that might transpire.
the fear is greatly allayed now, i find myself practicing the novelty of 'listening' and occasionally dedicate some time to contemplating and craving the awesome 'nothing' which yields everything. i'm in a happy duality wherein i sometimes find the noise quite bothersome, whilst at other times i take pleasure in contributing to it.
this blog-space was originally populated by several long and lengthy autobiographical paragraphs outlining my last decade... but alas - 'taciturn' was a word i loved enough to make my email a decade ago, and tacit is what i should rightly return to being.
suffice to say that my crazy dreams came about and the gravity, quietly epic.
she'll never know it, but the reason for my omission of capitals here and randomly hereafter, unknowingly gave me more fodder to dream with in six short days which included a poignant moment of malaria prophylaxis washed down with peppermint tea besides an old tractor and a binab conversation, than she ever intended... she said to listen.
it's been good (mostly).
the fear is greatly allayed now, i find myself practicing the novelty of 'listening' and occasionally dedicate some time to contemplating and craving the awesome 'nothing' which yields everything. i'm in a happy duality wherein i sometimes find the noise quite bothersome, whilst at other times i take pleasure in contributing to it.
this blog-space was originally populated by several long and lengthy autobiographical paragraphs outlining my last decade... but alas - 'taciturn' was a word i loved enough to make my email a decade ago, and tacit is what i should rightly return to being.
suffice to say that my crazy dreams came about and the gravity, quietly epic.
she'll never know it, but the reason for my omission of capitals here and randomly hereafter, unknowingly gave me more fodder to dream with in six short days which included a poignant moment of malaria prophylaxis washed down with peppermint tea besides an old tractor and a binab conversation, than she ever intended... she said to listen.
it's been good (mostly).
Friday, August 24, 2007
ham sandwich
He asked for chocolate cake, i asked him if he'd brushed his teeth.
He said 'yes'.
I asked if he would brush his teeth again after the chocolate cake.
He said 'yes'.
I suggested a sandwich instead, and asked what meat he'd like... 'ham' he replies and then as an afterthought 'and... tomato too'. So i got him one.
He's got schizophrenia. I'm a welfare worker. We're here tonight sharing space but that's it, i'll never know what he endures - don't want to.
A good friend told me tonight that we keep them away from hell, from the suffering that is their lot. It's all we do. She's resigned now - yet another burnt out comet of kind spirit...
I need sleep. Tired.
He said 'yes'.
I asked if he would brush his teeth again after the chocolate cake.
He said 'yes'.
I suggested a sandwich instead, and asked what meat he'd like... 'ham' he replies and then as an afterthought 'and... tomato too'. So i got him one.
He's got schizophrenia. I'm a welfare worker. We're here tonight sharing space but that's it, i'll never know what he endures - don't want to.
A good friend told me tonight that we keep them away from hell, from the suffering that is their lot. It's all we do. She's resigned now - yet another burnt out comet of kind spirit...
I need sleep. Tired.
Friday night.
I've been here for 10 years.
Things seem different now; difficult to say whether it's the place that's changed or i, both - most likely, to varying degrees. I have this 'problem' but i can't describe it, i surround myself with purpose yet can't help but encounter the familiar vacuum that punctuates the end of each day. I'm not sad, nor particularly depressed even. Occupied and with direction, just unfulfilled.
There must be a way out. Will undo my mind a little tonight before i sleep and maybe awake to welcome cracks in my construction of the world that'll quake somewhat and yield a new landscape.
Yes. That's it - we'll wait and see.
Things seem different now; difficult to say whether it's the place that's changed or i, both - most likely, to varying degrees. I have this 'problem' but i can't describe it, i surround myself with purpose yet can't help but encounter the familiar vacuum that punctuates the end of each day. I'm not sad, nor particularly depressed even. Occupied and with direction, just unfulfilled.
There must be a way out. Will undo my mind a little tonight before i sleep and maybe awake to welcome cracks in my construction of the world that'll quake somewhat and yield a new landscape.
Yes. That's it - we'll wait and see.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Mental illness and trains...
Observation from a few weeks in psychiatry: there is a fuzzy line that lies between the humane treatment of individuals suffering from dysfunctional minds and the indirect sanctioning of public intolerance.
Arguable - 'pathology' is defined by the majority.
In a crazy world where people are allowed to drown in their sadness, embrace their natural inclinations to be monolithically inert and liberally express florid episodes of psychosis and mania so as to colour the daily fabric of social interactions - would it be any worse than what we have now i.e. this mindless herd-like subscription to a tempered-beige-existence for fear of a morsem of chaos...
We could start with trains for instance and litter these often mundane transit moments with crazy people with a publicly endorsed license to be nuts without fear of retribution. Then maybe as an audience we could learn and grow a bit from the experience and leave the trains with a desire to advocate the re-titration of dosing regimens in psychiatric illness, so as to banish the excess attributed wholly to social intolerance.
Arguable - 'pathology' is defined by the majority.
In a crazy world where people are allowed to drown in their sadness, embrace their natural inclinations to be monolithically inert and liberally express florid episodes of psychosis and mania so as to colour the daily fabric of social interactions - would it be any worse than what we have now i.e. this mindless herd-like subscription to a tempered-beige-existence for fear of a morsem of chaos...
We could start with trains for instance and litter these often mundane transit moments with crazy people with a publicly endorsed license to be nuts without fear of retribution. Then maybe as an audience we could learn and grow a bit from the experience and leave the trains with a desire to advocate the re-titration of dosing regimens in psychiatric illness, so as to banish the excess attributed wholly to social intolerance.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
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